Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The Strange Truth About Triathletes....

The other night we went to support Yasi as she led a triathlete discussion at Lululemon in Princeton with newbies for NJ State, and I realized during our post-lulu-conversation with fro-yo that triathletes not only have something wrong with our brain (really I think there needs to be some research going on here) but we are strange and sometimes disgusting human beings...or are we??  You decide...

Please note if you tend to not use the words shit or poop or tend to be uncomfortable if people talk about those words you may not want to read...

Here are some observations I have made since I embarked on the sport 4+ years ago :
  1. We talk about how many times we shit before a race during a formal dinner party and say this as if we were talking about the weather.
  2. Some of us pee on our bike (it's true - they actually make a shirt)...and about 70%* of triathletes probably have. *Note: this is a fictional made-up number and not from actual market research.
  3. If the thought of #2 was not enough, we need to run a half marathon or even marathon after we have peed on the bike and ourselves...(just to be clear, I actually tried to pee once but could not, it's not easy) 
  4. Triathletes think it is completely normal that you pee in your wetsuit if you are swimming in cold water to "warm you up."
  5. There are times when you have to make a restroom out of a bush because you have no idea where the next restroom is during the middle of the run. Oh yeah and we are so proud of this (see Diamondman post from 2010).
  6. We wear spandex.  Enough said.
  7. We shove ice in our sports bras and sometimes out of necessity we eat the "sweaty and dirty lake that has caked on our skin" ice.  
  8. We shove our hands down our spandex in front of 100's of people to put a product called Hoo Ha Ride Glide to prevent our girly parts chafing and developing saddle sores.....
    Reflect Sports has great products including their Swim shampoo
  9. We carry Glide (another chaffing substance, because we can't get enough) with us in our purses next to our lip gloss.
  10. We wear fanny packs which although can be disguised as a race belt, an iPhone holder, GU holder, it's a freaking FANNY PACK....etc. etc.
    This thing really is great holding my phone, cards, gu, race number
  11. We sometimes don't shower for long periods of time (we won't divulge) - well why would you if you are just going swimming in chlorine the next day and you are just sooo tired after your bike at night that would require an extra energy expenditure...And why would you when they sell something called "Showerpill."
  12. We revert back to a child and drink from our adult "sippy" cups...
  13. We eat a sugary slimy substance that goes by the name of "GU" - I mean really, who was part of that marketing team...
  14. Although we look and act like healthy people, we drink good beer as a recovery drink, think of margaritas as a source of sodium replacement from the salt lost during a race.  We think of snickers, coke and potato chips as acceptable normal food choices DURING a long workout or a race.
  15. We know how to fix a bike tire and a chain derailer but have no idea what to do when the oil change light comes on in the car (TRUE STORY).
  16. Most of us that are not sponsored, spend oodles of money just to get this nifty thing (race medals).
  17. We clearly go though a very mentally exhausting day that is filled with pain and negativity which immediately evaporates the minute they put one of those valuable medals on your head....
Not sure if this is the face of "I'm having fun"

"I'm so happy I got this cool medal - this was so fun, let's do it again"
I couldn't think of any more to give me an even 20....

In conclusion, I love this sport and it embraces my inner weirdness...can't you tell from that last picture!

2 comments:

  1. Remind me to never shake your hand right after a tri. Or even go anywhere near you, after you've had your hands down your pants and pissed all over yourself. Haha.

    :)

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